By Jo · 30 September 2026
I'm Jo. I'm English, in my 40s, and I film the sex I actually have with my partner, including a lot of anal. Prep is the part nobody talks about, because it isn't sexy. So here's exactly what I do, and what he does when it doesn't go to plan.
If you're after the sex itself (going slow, the best position to start in, why it hurts), that's in how to make anal feel good for her.
Do you have to douche before anal?
No. We've skipped it before and you can. I much prefer to prep, though, because it can get messy, especially once he starts going deep or hard.
What I use
A bulb douche. It's a small squeezy rubber bulb with a nozzle. You fill it with water, squeeze it in gently, then let it out on the toilet.
The water
Plain tap water, roughly body temperature. That works best for me. Too cold or too hot and it gets uncomfortable.
Use small amounts
This is the one thing I'd tell anyone starting out. If you use too much water, you end up doing a deep clean, and that can take hours to come out completely. Use a little at a time and don't overfill.
It takes a bit of practice to work out what suits you. Once you've got it, it's easy.
How many times do you rinse?
As many as it takes for the water to come out clean. Then I do it two or three more times, just to be sure, because I'm a bit obsessive about it.
How long before sex should you douche?
At least 30 minutes before, and longer if I can. Things seem to settle after a while.
It used to take me ages. Now it's usually 5 to 15 minutes, tops.
What I eat
Nothing special on the day. I eat more or less the same most days anyway, and it's quite high in fibre, with lots of bananas and rye bread.
If it gets messy anyway
It still can. Prep makes it much less likely but it's never 100% guaranteed, and it's no big deal.
My tip: have plenty of towels and wet wipes ready. I always have towels out anyway, because our sex is messy in general.
What he can do
Not much, beforehand. I prep on my own in the bathroom.
If it does get messy, my partner knows the drill. He cleans himself up while I clean myself, and then we carry on. If I don't fancy anal any more by then, he's clean for pussy sex instead. There's no reason to let it put either of you off the whole thing. You can still have fun.
Trying anal for the first time
A few things I'd tell a woman trying it, and the man she's with.
- She should be in full control of the movement, the first few times. You men get way too excited, way too fast, and will probably do more harm than good. Slow is good for beginners.
- Try spooning first, and make sure he's fully hard before he goes in.
- Start with your own fingers until you can relax. Then let him do some careful fingering while you keep relaxing.
- Stop if it feels crampy, wrong or starts to hurt. Done right, it shouldn't hurt. You might feel pressure, but pain shouldn't be part of it.
A few safety bits
These come from sexual health charities rather than from me, and I'm not a doctor.
- Plain water only. No soap, which can damage the lining inside.
- Squeeze gently. No need for force.
- Don't douche too often. Charities advise no more than two or three times a week, so the lining has time to recover.
- If something hurts or you see blood, see a doctor or a sexual health clinic.
My partner and I film all of this for real, with no script and no acting. If you want to see how it goes once the prep's done, my clips are here.